It wasn’t until I became a manager that I realized how poorly I handled one-on-ones as an individual contributor. I rarely understood their purpose and came unprepared. When I began management training, I recognized how effective some of my managers had been—how they drew me out and asked questions that helped me organize and articulate my thoughts. Now, I understand just how crucial these conversations are.
One-on-ones are a fantastic opportunity to chat about your goals, team opportunities, challenges, and career aspirations. They can be a great way to assess whether you’re on the right track in your current job and a chance to receive coaching and mentorship. As a manager, you get a fresh take on how your team is performing, how everyone sees themselves, and how you’re doing too!
My goal is to help people prepare for one-on-ones—IC and manager alike. Like any meeting, you should come prepared. Don’t cram this into the 10–15 minutes before it starts. To get the most value from your one-on-one you might need to prepare for 1-2 hours, it’s ok! You are worth it!
In between one-on-ones
I suggest scheduling a recurring meeting midway between your one-ones—like a check-in with yourself. You will be working on a list of talking points by reviewing your notes from the previous two one-on-ones. (If you don’t have notes, start taking them now.), your previous lists of talking points and adding new talking points.
Aim to fill 30 minutes of the next one-on-one with your own topics and feedback. This will likely be too much, but that’s okay! The backlog will help you in future one-on-ones, and you can always send an email to discuss topics outside the meeting. Focus on topics that have value being discussed in person. Other topics can be handled through different forms of communication.
Individual Contributor
During this time, start looking for wins and thinking about feedback. I recommend using the feedback equation for topics like the team processes, team members, your work, the manager, and other areas.
- List accomplishments and wins, especially those related to your goals
- You fixed a tough bug
- You completed more points, stories, or tickets than ever before
- You unblocked yourself on something difficult
- List 2 pieces of feedback you want to discuss
- Team members
- Processes
- Blockers
- Your current projects
- pain points
- One discussion points related to broader topics
- Your career
- Coaching and mentoring
- Work you would like
Manager
Prepare 10 minutes of topics and feedback. Focus on items best discussed in person.
- Recognize your report’s wins and accomplishments—don’t wait for the one-on-one to share this.
- List two areas where you want feedback
- Team processes
- Yourself
- The project
- Other areas
- List possible feedback for your them
The day before
This is the time to prioritize what you want to discuss and prepare your talking points. Make sure you can easily access your notes during the meeting—whether that’s handwritten on paper, on Post-its around your monitor, or in a notes app. Make sure your ideas are fully developed and you know how to articulate them clearly.
Individual Contributor
Prepare to drive the conversation. You should be doing 80% of the talking.
- Prepare to talk about your wins, especially related to any action items from your last 1:1 , goals, or personal achievements. Aim to mention:
- What actions you took
- How the achievement imacts your goals and/or the team
- What you learned from the achievement
- Prepare two pieces of feedback about new process, improvements you think can be made, pain points..etc.
- I suggest using the feedback equation from Lara hogan
Manager
You should be doing more listening than talking, this is your chance to get their view of how things are going and how they see the team.
- Prepare two discussion questions.
- Prepare to mention any wins you have noticed and to ask them about their wins.
- Prepare at most one piece of feedback to discuss.
15 – 10 – 5 minutes before
All of your preparation will be for naught if you aren’t mentally ready. When I had an upcoming one-on-one with my manager, this is what I would do to prepare. My goal was to go in clear headed and calm so I was ready to both give and receive feedback.
When I had a one-on-one with someone reporting to me, the steps were the same. It’s still important to go in with a clear mind ready to give your full attention to the person you’re talking with.
Fifteen minutes before
Stop other work, nothing is more distracting than trying to solve finish whatever you were working on in your head while trying to have your one-one. Make sure you have ready whatever you need for the meeting — your talking points, a drink, headphones etc. Take a little walk or just stand up and stretch.
Ten minutes before
Time to review your talking points and last chance to reprioritize anything. Now isn’t the time to make big changes! If you don’t feel confident about a talking point then drop it for now.
5 minutes before
Now is just some time to relax and have a breather. Maybe do a little meditation, enjoy a view out of the window or something relaxing.
Try it out and let me know!
Preparing for your one-on-one meeting is super important! You only have a short amount of time with your manager or individual contributor , so making the most of it is key. You need to go in prepared and in the right state of mind.
Give this a try and let me know how it goes! Feel free to change it to fit your needs. I went through a lot of different versions and would love to hear how you modify it. What are you already doing that you think others should know about?